Addicted to Repeatance
by RebelSheepSayMoo
Summary: What do you do when you know something's bad for you, and you still can't let it go? One Shot, Dark fic


**ONE SHOT FICTION!**

**Pairings: Draco and Hermione**

**Rating: M for sexual abuse themes/rape, self-mutilation, and a wee bit of strong language (only like three words or so).**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot. The song woven throughout the story is "Walk Away" from Christina Agulera.**

**Note: I know a lot of people might not like this. It's really dark and can touch nerves for those who have dealt with the main issure expressed in the story. I strongly adivse you all to read at your own risk. Please review! I really would like to know what you think.**

**Addicted to Repentance**

_What do you do when you know something's bad for you_

_And you still can't let go?_

* * *

_I was naïve_

_Your love was like candy_

_Artificially sweet_

_I was deceived by the wrapping_

_Got caught in your web_

_And I learned how to bleed_

_I was prey in your bed_

_And devoured completely_

She longed for his touch. His heart was as frozen as ice, yet she still begged for some sort of warmth.

There was no love, no passion, no romance. It was all a good shag. It was what made her feel complete and whole again, yet as empty as can be expected from this type of a relationship.

She knew it was wrong, that it was destroying her inside and out, yet she didn't care. She was addicted. Sex was her drug and he was her dealer. It caused more problems than it did solving anything. She had lost her friends, self-respect, and dignity. Her grades stayed the same, she was still the top student at school. She was still above him. But in all other aspects she was low. Lower than dirt, lower than scum. She allowed the term "mudblood" be used in all meanings it was created for.

_And it hurts my soul_

_Cause I can't let go_

_All these walls are caving in_

_I can't stop my suffering_

_I hate to show that I've lost control_

_Cause I, I keep going right back_

_To the one thing that I need to walk away from_

Every night was the same routine. She'd show up to his quarters, fuck and then leave. He never acknowledged her presence throughout the day. She would flirt, smile, and giggle. He would shove her off of him, insult her, and leave her crushed.

Yet she still came back, every night… wanting more.

Often times she couldn't wait for the nights, and would beg for a quick fix in a broom closet somewhere in the school. Most days he was happy to oblige.

_I need to get away from ya_

_I need to walk away from ya_

_Get away, walk away, walk away_

He never cared how much he hurt her feelings. Being friendly was never part of the arrangement. They were both in this for only the physical part. But somehow… somehow for her it evolved. She didn't want it to be just a physical thing anymore. She wanted all of it, she craved a deeper relationship. He never allowed it.

When she argued about it, demanding that they be more, he would simply slap her and yell that she get out of his face. Slowly, she had disintegrated into a little ball of nothing. She learned never to cross him, even if it was the hard way.

He'd beat her occasionally, when she didn't want to subject herself to his forms of demeanor. After a few strikes she would cave in, letting him use her body over and over until she couldn't walk the next day. She was weak, so incredibly weak.

Yet she still came back, every night… wanting more.

_I should have known_

_I was used for amusement_

_Couldn't see through the smoke_

_It was all an illusion_

_Now I've been licking my wounds (licking my wounds)_

_But the venom seeps deeper (deeper, deeper)_

_We both can seduce_

_But darling you hold me prisoner (prisoner)_

The whole school knew she was his whore. They knew she belonged to him. Most of the guys deemed her too filthy to even touch. The rest were scared that he would come after them for handling his bitch. That's all she was anymore, a piece of meat.

Some guys had tried to fool around with her behind his back. They ended up in St. Mungo's once he found out.

He was so protective of her, yet he didn't give a damn. She could kill herself right in front of him and all he cared about was how he would get laid that night.

She was no longer a person. She was toy. A broken toy he used over and over.

He was rough with his play things. He raped her body endlessly of all thoughts and emotions. She had been pure as untouched snow when they first met. After he was through even dogs refused to be around her.

No consideration was given to her health. They never used any protection. No contraceptive charms or potions. He had gotten her pregnant more than once before. She had aborted all of them. Only once had she told him about a pregnancy. His reaction was brutal. Ever since then she kept them a secret, disposing of the baby before anyone found out.

_I'm about to break_

_I can't stop this ache_

_I'm addicted to your allure_

_And I'm fiendin' for a cure_

_Every step I take_

_Leads to one mistake_

_I keep going right back_

_To the one thing that I need..._

One could ask how her parents took this sort of treatment. They were dead, so it didn't matter. The Dark Lord had killed them off some couple of years ago.

During the summers she was put in foster care. Sometimes she would spend a week or so with him at his manor. They were never pleasant. She was stripped of her clothes and forced to stay in his bed completely naked. She never had the privilege of stepping foot outside of that room. She was probably only fed so she could have energy for the long nights they spent together. If she didn't put out enough during intercourse, he would pull out his wand and hex her.

_I can't mend_

_This torn state I'm in_

_Getting nothing in return_

_What did I do to deserve_

_The pain of this slow burn_

_And everywhere I turn_

_I keep going right back_

_To the one thing that I need to walk away from_

Abuse…

Pain…

Suffering…

She was trapped, completely abandoned by everyone that it forced her to stray into his arms. She would cry herself to sleep once she returned to her room from a session of his brutal sex.

Many people had found her out cold in the middle of a corridor at the latest hours of the night. Professors would take turns bringing her to the infirmary. They all pitied her. Some had tried getting her help before. She panicked at the thought and made threats of killing herself if they dared send her to some mental hospital. Being away from school meant being away from him. She couldn't live with that.

Through all of these threats of killing herself, she never realized that she was already doing that. Being with him, allowing his treatment of her was already killing her inside.

Yet she still came back, every night… wanting more.

_I need to get away from ya_

_I need to walk away from ya_

_Every time I try to grasp for air_

_I get smothered in despair, it's never over, over_

_Seems I'll never wake from this nightmare,_

_I let out a silent prayer_

_That it be over, over_

_Inside I'm screaming,_

_Begging pleading no more_

She should purge herself of him. She should just run away and try to seek guidance from someone who did care about her. There are any things she should do, but she doesn't. Why?

Like any other drug addiction, she has become so dependant of him. She would most certainly fall into psychosis if she tried to give him up. She would mentally retard herself if she didn't feed off of him.

She was weak. He had weakened her past redemption. It was sickening.

Yet she still came back, every night… wanting more.

_I don't know what to do_

_My heart has been bruised_

_So sad but it's true_

_Each beat reminds me of you_

She would always come back, every night… wanting more.

And he would always be there waiting for her.

_It hurts my soul_

_Cause I can't let go_

_All these walls are caving in_

_I can't stop my suffering_

_I hate to show that I've lost control_

_Cause I_

_I keep going right back_

_To the one thing that I need, oh_

God knows what he would do if she was to walk away from him. He'd probably kill her. He'd probably throw her in a Death Eater meeting and let them fight over her like lions being thrown a hunk of meat. He'd let them finish her off until there was nothing left. Then he'd toss her remains in a dungeon, lock the door, and walk off never looking back.

_I'm about to break_

_And I can't stop this ache_

_I'm addicted to your allure_

_And I'm fiendin' for a cure_

_Every step I take_

_Leads to one mistake_

_I keep going right back_

_To the one thing that I need, oh_

Her eyes stung with tears as she dragged the sharp blade across her wrist. He never knew of her cutting problems. Had he found out, she would be in line for an endless round of insults and let downs. He would taunt her like with everything else. He would only cause her to sink the blade deeper and deeper until the vein was no longer repairable.

_I can't mend_

_This torn state I'm in_

_Getting nothing in return_

_What did I do to deserve_

_The pain of this slow burn_

_And everywhere I turn_

_I keep going right back_

_To the one thing that I need to walk away from_

She was trash, worthless, steaming trash. She had no soul, no will. She was nothing. He had done this to her. From the start he had torn down her defenses and brought her to be lower than any other slut in that school.

And the sad thing is that she let him.

She let him use and abuse her. She let him torment her. She let him ravage her body and soul.

Yet she always came back, every night… wanting more.

_I say..._

_I need to get away from ya_

_I need to walk away from ya_

_Get away, walk away, walk away_

Yes…

She always came back…

Always wanting more…

_Only thing I need to do is walk away_

_I need to get away from ya_

_I need to walk away from ya_

_Get away, walk away, walk away_

There was no stopping her cravings. There was no point in ending her addiction. After all, she was no longer a human being.

_I need to get away from ya_

_I need to walk away from ya_

_Get away, walk away, walk away_

Cleaning her cut, she cried silently to herself. What was once the Head Girl, smart, and innocent side kick to Harry Potter was now shredded to nothing.

And yet… she would always come back every night… wanting more.

_I need to get away from ya_

_I need to walk away from ya_

_Get away, walk away, walk away_

She would never stop wanting more.


End file.
